I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
