Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you never un-have a 4some
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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