You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just want nice things and good sex
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
