Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
