Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
