you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
