he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
