I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
