Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
