My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
