Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
These tits shall not be calmed
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
