I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
