after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize