He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
