I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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