Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
