Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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