She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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