saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
