god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize