I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
