I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
