So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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