Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
