i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
