Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
