the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
