I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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