So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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