i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
