so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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