So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
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