im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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