I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
