So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
