apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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