I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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