You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
