I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
