Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This gyro tastes like lonliness
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
