so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
