when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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