My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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