This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
