I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
