From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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