ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
