All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize