Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
