And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
