I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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