Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
