just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
