I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
