I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
