ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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