tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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