Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
