I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
