I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
