Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
