one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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