dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
