allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
