If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
