I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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