put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
