just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
