We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
