12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize