Too much gin, very little bucket
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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